As a ScotGEM student, I knew a relationship wasn’t going to be easy. Not because I’m working all the time – don’t worry I’m definitely not(!) – but because we move around. I’m in my second year and I’ve travelled from as far flung places as Dumfries near the border to Inverness in the Highlands. These areas have been stunning and surprising, as other stories eloquently describe, and what an opportunity it’s been to live and work there. Third year is no less brilliant, as we are placed at GP practices all over Scotland. However, as great as it may sound to be three hours away from an argument with your other half, you are also three hours away from the person you love. My experience is by no means uncommon, especially in medicine, and hopefully my story won’t have you turning away from Cupid’s arrow just yet.
Starting out with this distance already on our timetable, I suppose it could have looked ‘optimistic’ or ‘extremely courageous’ as Sir Humphrey Appleby from Yes Minister euphemistically might say. In fact, it wasn’t like that at all. I was myself with a person who I really liked and we both wanted to keep it going. Looking back, I had switched off my analytical, systematic medicine brain and was just having a good time. We put off thinking about physically separating until we really had to, and then set off, into the unknown of a ‘long-distance relationship’. There are some things you can plan for, like when plotting a course for a ship or a route for a walk, but the actual day-by-day occurrences I just had to trust would work out. For instance, how often we spoke. At first texting seemed a convenient way to keep in touch. Very simple and you can do other tasks at the same time. By the end of two weeks, however, we realised this wasn’t working. The flexibility was convenient but also meant conversations were broken up by distractions and on the whole it was not fulfilling. A meme makes you smile, but it doesn’t give you a general sense of how the other person is doing. We tried video calling a couple of times but that seemed forced and not as relaxed as a simple call, so that was what we fell into. The details won’t be the same for you necessarily but I want to show how the stumbling blocks I couldn’t foresee could still be hurdled when the situation changed dramatically.
Moving to now, what could be more dramatic a change than a pandemic. From the prospect of two years long distance, we’re now locked in together for the foreseeable. True to form, we’ve been stumbling through. Not seeing enough of each other has now been flipped. Funnily enough however I’ve found the same things that were important long distance are just as important now. We may see each other almost 24/7 but making sure we’re on the same page is just as vital. Moods, thoughts and ideas will drift by and to maintain intimacy I’ve needed to talk much more about these things. I’m not just a highlights reel and we’re both learning to express and talk about all the bits in between those Instagrammable moments. The more we do this, the more we realise these bits can be loved too, and the closer we’ve been able to become.